Sadistic

My beautiful wife has, on several separate occasions, over the past few months called me sadistic. Just to be clear I looked up a few definitions. Chambers defines a sadist as “someone who indulges in sadism, or who gains pleasure, especially sexual, from inflicting pain on others.”

The Oxford English dictionary defines sadism as “the tendency to derive sexual gratification or general pleasure from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.”

And from The Free Dictionary, sadism is; 1. The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others. 2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty. 3. Extreme cruelty.

This time last year I would have been hurt and upset at the suggestion that I would “gain pleasure” by “inflicting pain”. I would have strongly denied the very idea that I could be sexually aroused or gratified by causing “pain, suffering, or humiliation”. And being described as enjoying “extreme cruelty” would have horrified me. But now things are different, now I take her use of the word “sadistic” not as an insult but instead as something to be considered and pondered.

Am I sadistic? Does my clit purr at the thought of her weight across my lap and my cunt become slick with the lifting of her skirt? And does my cock grow harder and more impatient with each descent of my hand? I love to spank her, to cane her, to flog her, to suffer bravely the stinging in my hand as proof of her degrees of pain. I adore indulging myself in her hurt, bearing witness to her slow release of control with each slap or swing or whack.

Do I enjoy humiliation? Does it elevate my spirit to strip her, disrobe and bare her, exposing her intimately before my eyes? I long to see the faint flush of embarrassment spread over her naked body when I whisper sweet reminders of her predicament. I crave the forcing open of her legs and the delicious spectacle it uncovers. I covet her reaction to my unadulterated gaze as I examine, inspect and explore.

Am I cruel? Does denying and teasing make me smile without shame inside and out? I’m keen to bring her to the brink then stop or slap or both, to say “No” to her pleas as my mood dictates. I wish to torment her then torture her with my distorted desire, twisted whims and assorted instruments.

Do I inflict suffering? Do I ache to slide my grateful cock home where her warmth and love surround it? I worship her restrained and bound body as I fuck her, using the strength she gives me to fill her with solid, fervent strokes. And I yearn to see, feel, hear the pinnacle of her orgasm, then to pause for a split second before I fuck her harder because I can, want, need to use her for my own personal pleasure.

My sexual gratification is intensified, sharpened and magnified by her pain, her suffering and her humiliation; it emancipates the sexual monster that is me. I am cruel and savage, vicious and pitiless, bestial, unnatural, perverted. I am sadistic.